Life's Musings

So here I am again. Life has dropped some surprises in my lap this last nine months. Extreme beck pains that have left me a shadow of my former self. Many cat scans and mri's later and they told us that my problem stems from herniated discs in my lower back and neck, with a touch of arthritis thrown in. Not bad enough at the time they were diagnosed to be operated on. Enter pain clinics into our live's, first thing was a shot of steroids to the neck.
 Then they went about the business of shooting the nerves in my lower back with lanacaine, the purpose of this is to find out if an ablation would slow the pain in my lower back. Very painful procedure as no numbing agent is used and you feel the needles going into your nerves. Just about brought me off the table during this procedure, but I was able to grit my teeth and hang on. For the next two days there was very little pain in my lower back. Then the pain returned, they wanted to do the ablation procedure but insurance denied it. Doctor fought insurance company for months, they wanted him to do another injection first. They said that  the second injection usually cures the problem. So a second injection was done with more needles and more pain. No response that time, which led the doctor to say that there was nothing else he could do for my back.
The shot of steroids in my neck led to more pain in my arms and neck, the doctor that gave me the shot sent me back to the back doctor for an operation. The operation was scheduled and completed. After 6 weeks at the doctors follow up visit with me, he told me to start physical therapy. After 6 weeks of therapy I was getting worse. There was pains in my right arm that felt like someone had hit the upper part of my arm with a baseball bat. During therapy the same pain traveled into my right arm. At my three month follow up appointment the doctor said to quit the therapy and see if my neck would heal better that way.
So far the pain level has not diminished at all, in the last week my arms have started tingling like they are asleep and I have numbness in the lower part of my arms and my hands.
The pain in my lower back has never subsided since last August. Any standing or walking for short periods of time sends me to a comfortable chair or couch so I can wait for the pain to decrease. New pill regiments have been started with no effect as of this writing.
I am trying to follow the Lord where he leads me, but that becomes increasingly difficult when the pain makes it hard to concentrate on any one thing. I start projects in the hope that they will keep the pain at bay and give my head something else to think about, but the pain creeps in and causes me to lose the ability to finish anything.
 Lord I know you are walking with me and trying to guide me in the right direction, but my mind is a jumble and the feelings of worthlessness keep invading my thoughts and actions. Wish I could let go of these feelings and walk in your footsteps again. Watch over us and keep all of us safe and in your arms.