Is there a way to deal with this?
Each day is an adventure, waiting to see what will become of the day.
I start little projects in my mind that I want to do, pain and defeat soon stop these projects.
More projects spring forth in the mind only to suffer the same fate.
An endless stream of ideas flows through my head.
The things I use to Love and could do without failure linger just beyond my abilities.
Fate has dealt a cruel blow that is hard to rise above.
Sunday, May 19, 2013
Saturday, May 18, 2013
First Real Love
Do we ever forget the one that captured our heart so many years ago?
The laughter we shared,
The smiles that lit up your face,
Your mischievous eyes,
The way you held me,
And made me feel that my world was complete,
I welcomed you into my soul,
Alas your Heart was on a different journey than mine,
You went in search of what would make your life complete,
My heart was broken,
And my Soul wandered without me,
Until it found the one that holds it now,
Without me knowing it you took something from me,
It took time before I could give myself completely,
I held back afraid of being hurt again,
A new soul walked with me,
New smiles that lit up my heart,
Eyes that captivated me,
Arms that never wanted to let go,
A heart that bonded with mine,
You showed me how to share my Love,
For thirty six years,
I have been blessed to find a soul mate,
Who wants to share hearts with me,
Six months ago I heard you lost your battle with cancer,
Your soul left this world,
To wander among the stars,
I hope you found what you were searching for,
And your journey here brought you joy,
I Love you for what we shared,
The things you taught me about Love,
And how to share my soul with someone,
Someday when my soul has left this rock,
Maybe our paths may cross,
That moment will light up the cosmos,
As we share our adventures,
Farewell my friend!
The laughter we shared,
The smiles that lit up your face,
Your mischievous eyes,
The way you held me,
And made me feel that my world was complete,
I welcomed you into my soul,
Alas your Heart was on a different journey than mine,
You went in search of what would make your life complete,
My heart was broken,
And my Soul wandered without me,
Until it found the one that holds it now,
Without me knowing it you took something from me,
It took time before I could give myself completely,
I held back afraid of being hurt again,
A new soul walked with me,
New smiles that lit up my heart,
Eyes that captivated me,
Arms that never wanted to let go,
A heart that bonded with mine,
You showed me how to share my Love,
For thirty six years,
I have been blessed to find a soul mate,
Who wants to share hearts with me,
Six months ago I heard you lost your battle with cancer,
Your soul left this world,
To wander among the stars,
I hope you found what you were searching for,
And your journey here brought you joy,
I Love you for what we shared,
The things you taught me about Love,
And how to share my soul with someone,
Someday when my soul has left this rock,
Maybe our paths may cross,
That moment will light up the cosmos,
As we share our adventures,
Farewell my friend!
Friday, May 17, 2013
Life's Musings
So here I am again. Life has dropped some surprises in my lap this last nine months. Extreme beck pains that have left me a shadow of my former self. Many cat scans and mri's later and they told us that my problem stems from herniated discs in my lower back and neck, with a touch of arthritis thrown in. Not bad enough at the time they were diagnosed to be operated on. Enter pain clinics into our live's, first thing was a shot of steroids to the neck.
Then they went about the business of shooting the nerves in my lower back with lanacaine, the purpose of this is to find out if an ablation would slow the pain in my lower back. Very painful procedure as no numbing agent is used and you feel the needles going into your nerves. Just about brought me off the table during this procedure, but I was able to grit my teeth and hang on. For the next two days there was very little pain in my lower back. Then the pain returned, they wanted to do the ablation procedure but insurance denied it. Doctor fought insurance company for months, they wanted him to do another injection first. They said that the second injection usually cures the problem. So a second injection was done with more needles and more pain. No response that time, which led the doctor to say that there was nothing else he could do for my back.
The shot of steroids in my neck led to more pain in my arms and neck, the doctor that gave me the shot sent me back to the back doctor for an operation. The operation was scheduled and completed. After 6 weeks at the doctors follow up visit with me, he told me to start physical therapy. After 6 weeks of therapy I was getting worse. There was pains in my right arm that felt like someone had hit the upper part of my arm with a baseball bat. During therapy the same pain traveled into my right arm. At my three month follow up appointment the doctor said to quit the therapy and see if my neck would heal better that way.
So far the pain level has not diminished at all, in the last week my arms have started tingling like they are asleep and I have numbness in the lower part of my arms and my hands.
The pain in my lower back has never subsided since last August. Any standing or walking for short periods of time sends me to a comfortable chair or couch so I can wait for the pain to decrease. New pill regiments have been started with no effect as of this writing.
I am trying to follow the Lord where he leads me, but that becomes increasingly difficult when the pain makes it hard to concentrate on any one thing. I start projects in the hope that they will keep the pain at bay and give my head something else to think about, but the pain creeps in and causes me to lose the ability to finish anything.
Lord I know you are walking with me and trying to guide me in the right direction, but my mind is a jumble and the feelings of worthlessness keep invading my thoughts and actions. Wish I could let go of these feelings and walk in your footsteps again. Watch over us and keep all of us safe and in your arms.
Then they went about the business of shooting the nerves in my lower back with lanacaine, the purpose of this is to find out if an ablation would slow the pain in my lower back. Very painful procedure as no numbing agent is used and you feel the needles going into your nerves. Just about brought me off the table during this procedure, but I was able to grit my teeth and hang on. For the next two days there was very little pain in my lower back. Then the pain returned, they wanted to do the ablation procedure but insurance denied it. Doctor fought insurance company for months, they wanted him to do another injection first. They said that the second injection usually cures the problem. So a second injection was done with more needles and more pain. No response that time, which led the doctor to say that there was nothing else he could do for my back.
The shot of steroids in my neck led to more pain in my arms and neck, the doctor that gave me the shot sent me back to the back doctor for an operation. The operation was scheduled and completed. After 6 weeks at the doctors follow up visit with me, he told me to start physical therapy. After 6 weeks of therapy I was getting worse. There was pains in my right arm that felt like someone had hit the upper part of my arm with a baseball bat. During therapy the same pain traveled into my right arm. At my three month follow up appointment the doctor said to quit the therapy and see if my neck would heal better that way.
So far the pain level has not diminished at all, in the last week my arms have started tingling like they are asleep and I have numbness in the lower part of my arms and my hands.
The pain in my lower back has never subsided since last August. Any standing or walking for short periods of time sends me to a comfortable chair or couch so I can wait for the pain to decrease. New pill regiments have been started with no effect as of this writing.
I am trying to follow the Lord where he leads me, but that becomes increasingly difficult when the pain makes it hard to concentrate on any one thing. I start projects in the hope that they will keep the pain at bay and give my head something else to think about, but the pain creeps in and causes me to lose the ability to finish anything.
Lord I know you are walking with me and trying to guide me in the right direction, but my mind is a jumble and the feelings of worthlessness keep invading my thoughts and actions. Wish I could let go of these feelings and walk in your footsteps again. Watch over us and keep all of us safe and in your arms.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Tuesday
Too many months away from work, and the things I love to do. Wandering the Earth and taking pictures of the things I see. I manage to get out at times to enjoy things, but it usually catches up with me later in the day. The pain levels stay high most of the time, and this keeps me from fully enjoying what the Lord has put forth for us. May you have a wonderful day and get out and enjoy some of the nice weather we are having.
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